Do Your Kids Have “Grit?”

This is an important question to ask, especially at this time. Parents are asking questions about how to help their children become successful. They have tried enrolling them in many activities. They have provided them a great deal of help and support. They have constantly cheered them on. The question that Dr. Angela Duckworth asked in her research is, “Does Grit have anything to do with success?” She describes her research in her book titled Grit.

The results of her research were clear. Higher amounts of grit were associated with higher degrees of success. This was true in athletics, in academic pursuits and in careers. Grit, which she defined as perseverance and the ability to keep trying, had more impact on success than intelligence and social skills.

Grit, then, is clearly an important characteristic to foster in our children, and in fact, in ourselves. It does fly in the face of some parenting practices that emphasize having everyone being rewarded equally and where success is guaranteed in all tasks attempted. Grit focuses less on success without effort and instead focuses on the value of effort.

I have looked at children in my practice for a long time and I have noticed that the ones who have the most grit are ones who often have faced great difficulty. I remember one little girl who had significant, ongoing medical problems. To treat her condition, the doctors had to carefully monitor her health. Unfortunately, this included having frequent spinal taps. I saw her one day, before she was scheduled for a spinal tap. I expected to see a frightened child, complaining about having to have these tests. Instead, she came in with great composure and assured me that a spinal tap really wasn’t that bad because it didn’t last too long!  She said she had had to go through worse. My next patient came because he was going to have a shot and was totally disconcerted about it. He was in tears. He was yelling and complaining. He was refusing to go because he was sure it would be painful. The contrast in these two young people was amazing. She had incredible emotional strength as a result of her life experiences. He didn’t.  Who do you see as having grit, of being able to face whatever life presented?

I have been seeing a huge influx of boys in my practice who seem to lack emotional strength. Any kind of challenge, regardless of how minor it is, can defeat them. They stay home, usually protected and rescued by well-meaning parents. I have called them “Syndrome Y®” because of the group of characteristics they show. They have no motivation, no passion. They are the underachievers in school even though they are bright and capable. They do not have grit. I have described this in detail in other blogs. If you think your son may have these characteristics, you may want to consider working to increase his emotional strength. My book, The Syndrome Y Solution: Emotional Strength Building for Your Underperforming, Unmotivated and Underachieving Son, is designed to help parents build emotional strength and grit in their sons.